the one who loved you first wore scrubs
witnessed firsthand the patterns in the weave—
don't worry, son
you made it this far, you're home safe
just find a home, safe, okay?
well, then why does the shit never end?
why does everyone i know
collapse so effortlessly
into this troubled infinity
into immortality
not the generous kind, the cruel kind.
the kind bestowed on kings in fairytales
where the king begs to die
because days go on endlessly, purposelessly
i don't always remember crying
i remember laughing
i remember
laughing—
but the faces we wear weather
whether or not we see
the moment it finally happens
when we scream at the world
not the way we were taught
that gave value to dumb pride
but in a way you know for certain—
this is fucking it.
your back's to the wall now
realizing it all
we weren't ever the wolves
just a couple of sly dogs
on borrowed time.

-

there, there. now, now.
you know we never had control
just right place, right time
ok birth, ok rhyme
solid rhythm, to ride the waves.
never they came because we beckoned,
but still, it was so much fun,
shouting at the horizon—
believing an ocean would move
at the whim of youthful love—

and god, the power of hope
is magnificent.