my heart is racing—
for kissing me like you did
as if to acknowledge something old
we bickered about
when we couldn’t keep it to three drinks.

i couldn't see your face at all.
there was a time when I borrowed forever
from those eyes, the world that danced in them,
the history that made them.

perfect,
yet painful.
moms and dads, you know.

but darkness will have to do.

it wasn't god who painted you
under fluorescent light,
you blossomed on earth by fire and chance,
the product of a million little mistakes.
and that's why it was special,
because it could never be again,

just.like.this

under the moon that lay us wasted,
and you

still the most beautiful shape I’d ever known—

i can feel you, tonight,
more than ever before.

even let myself a little fun
the kind that haunts the tip of your chapstick
the next day—
i went home and washed off your perfume
never as easy to wash you away.

-

we’re careful dancers now
who don’t step on each other's toes
or crush each other's throats,
slipping into the backseat of the car on dark roads,

me lying through my teeth
when I said it meant nothing.